


A little honest extortion

by deepandlovelydark



Series: Ecstasy in Cosmogone [5]
Category: MacGyver (TV 1985)
Genre: Blackmail, Coffee, Humor, creative accountancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 03:30:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11592024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deepandlovelydark/pseuds/deepandlovelydark
Summary: Death and taxes? Jack Dalton doesn't believe in them.He's pretty sure the Phoenix Foundation doesn't either.





	A little honest extortion

**Author's Note:**

> An interlude taking place after the events of my story “Fulgent Engineering”, which lays the groundwork for Jack Dalton’s entrance into the Neath. This one’s more for the MacGyver fans.
> 
> (Legal stuff: MacGyver is copyright either Paramount or Lee David Zlotoff, depending. Certainly not mine.)

Pete Thornton doesn’t much like Jack Dalton. The man’s a menace: a loose cannon, a babbler, thinks he’s a better liar than he is, crashes the planes that are supposedly his speciality, and worst of all, pads his expense accounts. 

He explains all this over mediocre coffee at one of LA’s more obscure diners. This is not a conversation he wants the Phoenix Foundation to know ever happened. 

Jack stays quiet (aside from noisily slurping coffee through his moustache). At the end, he says nothing, just passes over a single piece of paper. Phoenix Foundation letterhead at the top.

"I broke into your office earlier, so I could do this up nice on your raised-letter typeweriter. No trouble reading it, right?"

Cheeky rascal. “No. What is this? A shopping list?”

“Sure. Just like I wrote down there. Ten SAKs of the models I’ve specified, couple of rolls of duct tape, I don’t know about the contact lenses but you must have his prescription on file somewhere -”

“Hold on. Hold on. What’s it all for?”

“So I can go rescue MacGyver,” Jack says, as though this is the most obvious thing in the world. “Or at least bring along the stuff he’ll need to rescue both of us once I put my foot in it.”

Pete groans and pours in more non-dairy creamer. This is going to be one of those nights.

“He’s dead. We had a memorial service. You set my house on fire afterwards.“

“Aw, it was only the bar. Nobody should have been drinking at Mac’s wake, I just made sure they didn’t. But it wasn’t even real, was it?” There's a clink, cheap cup hitting shaky table. “No body.”

“He’d requested a cremation. Said it was more ecologically sound.”

“I bribed the funeral director. He never saw a body either. So I started calling around, to figure out who’d seen him last - would you believe I even tracked down that English assassin? That was the worst skiing vacation ever. In fact, it seems the last person who saw him was me. Last year, when you guys had me fly him out to the Ammukash again.”

“Suppose,” Pete says casually, downing his drink in one. “Suppose I asked if you’d mentioned this idea of yours to anyone?”

“Why would I do that? You’re the only one I need to blackmail. Look, I want him back, you want him back, just make sure I get all the stuff on this list and I’ll do my best, everybody’s happy.”

“Two Rolexes.”

“Because he’s going to break the first one open and use the crystal for some kinda thingamajig. I should make that three.”

“A bag of polished, high-carat diamonds and rubies.”

“You never know when you’ll need some ready cash.”

“A guitar. You want to go on an espionage mission with a guitar?”

“That’s if it all goes wrong,” Jack says softly. “I mean, all right, after this long he’s probably dead down there and you're throwing away a lot of money on nothing. But maybe he hasn’t come back because he can’t. Maybe it’s one of those fairy tale deals where when you return it’s a hundred years later and everyone’s dead or something.”

“That is the most ridiculous idea I’ve ever heard.”

“Is it? I’ve seen the report about the Grand Sanction. Bet you didn’t tell MacGyver about that.”

Dammit. The man definitely has been snooping about the Foundation. “So what, you’re going down into god knows what out of sentiment? Is that what I’m supposed to tell the Board when they ask why I let this happen?”

“Just don’t tell them. You know I have my own transport.” A coo, a girlish giggle, and now there's an unwanted refill in his cup; has Jack been amusing himself by flirting with the waitress? “And how much of a motive do you think I need? If those rumours are true, living forever is nothing to sneeze at.”

“Well, because I don’t trust you. And I want to know if there’s any ulterior motive to all this.”

“Let’s see,” Jack says thoughtfully. “Here’s our hero, terrific smile, long brown hair, athletic, both can and has pulled just by walking down the street…”

Pete closes his eyes. He just wishes he could close his ears as well.

“…nah, immortality’s good. You want to draw up an NDA for me to sign saying I promise not to mention any of this?”

*******************

_Phoenix Foundation annual expense report (internal use, not for republication)_

_Category: office supplies: paperclips_

_$120,000_

“That can’t be right,” the junior accountant says. “That cannot possibly be right.”

Her older and more jaded counterpart sighs. “You’ll get used to that account. Remind me to tell you about the time we had to write off an entire hockey game as operating expenses…”


End file.
